Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Patience.

Post 3
Patience
30th May 2013.

What about patience?

I find myself a guy without patient. Just a really impatient guy even though I can withstand sacrifice but in the end I want result to come fast. I want everything to be there. I want it to happen and I don't want to waste time earning it, working it.

Everything in this life is caused by practice. What we practice since we young, we produce it out now.
May it be attitude, lifestyle or emotions.
It's based on practice.

Parents that doesn't have the knowledge of it's son's education, what he is doing or understanding the things he is going through, as these kind of things is being practiced in the family, the son has a different way or perspective towards life. We can say differently for a son whose parents who has the full knowledge of their son's education, what they are going through, what they need, understanding their situations. It's different.

So, patience.
If a person is practiced to be patient, he will be patient.
Maybe i've been dwelling too much in not knowing my path, not setting my goals, not starting anywhere.
Dwelling too much on doubts, too much on arguments and being solitude.

Studying media, it made me this way too. You don't have a right or wrong answer. You need to ground your opinions by evidence and research. It's not like maths where all around, this is the answer you will get, it's facts. It's certain. It's proved. Media is all about opinions. Everybody has their own opinion and you can argue about it. There's no certainty.

And, because of that, I'm impatient. I would not settle not arguing over something. I would not settle if something is considered as truth or something is considered as infinity. There's something to it that maybe we might not understand, but there's a way of understanding.

I want my goals fast. I want my future fast. I want this now, I want that now. I want to achieve this. Overlooking at things like hardwork or time. I want to have this. I want to be like that. I want to be someone. Impatient.

In the house.
Lie down on the couch. Lie down on bed. Look at the laptop. Search on Facebook, Twitter. Scroll through smartphone. Watch tv. Listen to music and sing. Play guitar. Play piano.

Holding the camera
Voiceover:
I really want to be a filmmaker,
Ah, so many inspirations i can get,
so many ideas going through my mind of what movies I am going to make...
Can I just film a video and be a famous person in youtube or somewhere?

Look at the wall with all the assignments due soon.
Screw that thought. I need to get this assignments done.
As soon as I grab my pen, I move to social media again and my phone. And YouTube.

She calls
'Hey! Want to meet up?'
Yeah. Sure.

Hey! What have you been up to?
Nothing much. Just procrastinating the whole day.
I think I need to get a new phone. My phone is now malfunction. It always lag! Do you know which one should I get?
Wait now you are using the iPhone 4. You want to change to apple or samsung maybe HTC?
Nah just a good phone.
Let's go check now! you want to?
Yeah I don't mind.

Now you have a range of phones here, It really depends. Samsung is more diverse. Apple as you have been using you should change, it's all the same but you can wait the new ones are coming in a months time. HTC is same like samsung but this phone is really beautiful. Sony even has the one that can go under water which is so freaking awesome. Why not get Samsung? Just get samsung! I still feel samsung is better than both HTC and Sony. So yeah!

I still need to think. Im used to iPhone I should buy iPhone yeah? Maybe I should wait? What about the plans? Can it be cheaper back home?

If you want iPhone also you can but for a change buy the Samsung? Just buy since we are here! Get Virgin since Telstra is expensive and Vodafone sucks! Either Optus or Virgin but i still feel Virgin is better cause im using it.

Okay. I'll get the Samsung then and Virgin plan yeah since you said is good? But I think i'll wait and see. I'm going back already so maybe i'll go back and buy?

Just buy since we are here already and its not cheaper by any much. Since you need a phone so just go ahead and buy! You need it now then just get it. No need to wait until so long to get it.

Nah, I think I'll wait. Maybe i'll buy the iPhone. Nevermind, I'll consider and see how it goes. I don't think i'll get it by today. Thanks anyway.

Sigh. Okay okay.

So the story continues with me being impatient of achieving my dreams as a director. Impatient that i have to go out yet do my work. Impatient that i still havent do my work but i want to get it done before the due date which is in a weeks time. I'm also impatient towards wanting the result in this case she getting the phone.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Simplicity. Start. Faith.

When life gives you lemon, make sure you eat it.
When life gives you lemon, make lemonade.
When life gives you lemon, demand for apple.
When life gives you lemon, check the lemon see if its healthy.
When life gives you lemon, I don't give a damn.


Something that I know and something that I don't know.
How can you differentiate yourself from these two options?
It's either you know or you don't know.

There's no 'a bit here and there',
There's no 'i know too much',
There's no 'i think i know'.

It's either you do or you don't.
So I ask, do we make certainty of things over choices whether you do or you don't?
What kind of perspective can we take ourselves to a more fulfilling life.

Now life, it's a selfish thing. We want to make the best out of things for life. I'm not here to say that selfishness here is bad. I'm not saying life itself is bad. Everything in this world, eventually, your brain, the society would need something to be named. So i'm naming this life, it's selfish. We don't want to suffer, we think that suffering to get joy after that is the way of life. It's karma, it's destiny. A low to a high. There's no low all the way, no high all the way. To work is to be low and the reward is high. It's a simple concept. A simple equation.

Maybe life itself is really that simple. We deserve to be selfish in this way. There's no need to fight or argue over this because we do deserve to be good, to be fulfilled and be happy. We don't need to be in constant sadness and in constant despair.

These few days I've been thinking, what if i'm fine with being sad, i'm okay with it and i'm happy to be sad. It's a contradiction. I'm trying to prove myself that I can have a third category. It's not do or don't but maybe.

I think this signifies what you are really. If you are a person who chooses do or chooses don't, you're a person who knows the limit what's right and wrong. Whereas, for me being able to be maybe, my argument is you know no limits, you question everything, there's no truth, and lazy to think anymore.

My point is, I think we have to accept some things and keep it that way. We have to live life in a simple way. We always will find ways to complicate our world. Arguments and own opinions but I feel like without supporting some values, even though the meaning by it can be fault but by not overpowering the use of it, we will live by. I think it's very important for us to live life simple.

I've been lazy. I've been thinking too much and not putting things into actions. I've been shy, alone and sad and thus, decreasing my self esteem, self confidence. No more. I need to start. That's all I need to do.

It's okay for me to be selfish to pursue for a better life. It's okay to be certain even if we don't know the whole truth. It's okay to have faith. We need to learn how to have faith. I know its cliche but its true.

Start and with faith.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Pride

Post 2
Pride
20th May 2013

What do I think about pride?

Pride.

It's the thing that is limiting to everything that we do.
Pride to everything.
It's normal to relate sacrifice and pride.

Why?

We keep our pride up to sacrifice for somebody or for something.
Even though we now of the pain, the time, energy and emotions you're dedicating to do something.
That commitment is the pride.
The status we put ourselves or that value to do what we want to do.

It's my pride when I care more about somebody.
It's my pride when I persist on things over my own things.
It's my pride when I don't accept my own flaws.

Wakes up. She calls. Move towards the phone. It rings. I sighed while clears my throat answering the phone.

'Yup'
'Hey, you just got up'
'Yah. yah'
'Can hear it from your voice'
'Can you follow me to the post office today?'
You alright with it?
Yah sure.
Lets meet up for lunch later. Meet you at your place?
No problem. See you later.

Got up ready to go as I went downstairs going out to the restaurant.
Sudden message says:

Hey! Sorry. I can't make it for lunch. I'm having this meeting with my group mates.
Could you help me to get my mail from the post office? Since its 3 now and it's going to close now. Could you get it for me? Thanks.

Went to eat lunch.
Went to post office. Shot he goes in and he goes out.
On his way. He saw her from a distance. With friends. Shot of her laughing.
He put his heads down as he walk back to his place.
He waits for her reply till the night.
Shot of time elapse from day till night.

'Hey! What are you doing?'
'Nothing. Just at home. you?'
'Did get my mail?'
'Yup I did.'
"Thanks yah?'
'No worries.'

How do you make this piece into a more 'pride' theme?
Add more on saying yes?
Maybe its more on continuing the story rather than the theme? But maybe the theme can be drawed out from this piece?

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Sacrifice.


Post 1
Sacrifice
18th May 2013-05-14

What’s the sacrifice that I’m currently experiencing?
What made me think about sacrifice?
Why do I want to write about sacrifice?
It’s the first on my list.
I suppose it’s the first, it is one major thing in my life.

I think about Jesus when I think about sacrifice.
I think about Frodo when I think about sacrifice.

There’s nothing much that I can do when I’m alone in this but to show you what I feel about sacrifice.

I sacrifice for my friends.
I sacrifice for someone that I love.
I sacrifice for someone that I care.
I sacrifice for the things I love.

When you sacrifice so much, expectations comes along. But I don’t want to go there, I want to focus on sacrifice.

It’s just a feeling that I wouldn’t say no to any obstacles or anything that distracts me from that one purpose. Sacrifice for me is the devotion, dedication, commitment and honouring something with pride.

I would do anything to be able to satisfy or make someone feel better. To complete their needs, their goals and their wish.

Time and energy and feelings are the things at risk when I sacrifice.

Me in the room check on the wall on my assignments. Check the phone for messages. She called for help tomorrow to do her things and needed your help.

The next day.

A blurred to a clear shot of a busy Bourke street with people walking from different directions. On the tram now focusing on the fast road. I walk from a distance to sit on the brick bench wall at Lincoln Square. I clenched my fist as I look to the ground. Pulls out the earphone plugged into the ipod.

I looked to the left. As she walked from a distance towards me. I pulled my earphones out and placed my hands into the pockets of the sweater and start walking with her along the road.

‘Hey!
Lets go.’

Photocopying
Officeworks
Lunch I pay
She forgets to bring money and card
Buy groceries
I carry
She gives me a card to go to the post office tomorrow.
Walk her home

At home.
Procrastinate.
And sleep.

To be continued.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Something new.


'Then why didn’t you do it?'
Think something outside of love
It’s because I want to do something out of love. Something special.

1.  Sacrifice
2.     Pride
3.     Patience
4.     Time
5.     Needs
6.     Wants
7.     Satisfaction
8.     Alone time
9.     Feelings
10. Groove
11. Music
12. Art
13. Angle
14. Precious
15. Focus
16. Attention
17. Turnings
18. Decisions
19. Writing
20. The list of things to do
21. Ticking and crossing
22. Names
23. Contacts
24. Connections
25. Power
26. Paper
27. Words
28. Lines
29. Designs
30. Buttons
31. Gadgets
32. Cooling down
33. Money
34. Cards
35. Cash
36. Coins
37. Identity
38. Badminton
39. Family
40. Books
41. The Lord of The Rings
42. The Hobbit
43. Fans
44. Temperature
45. Temperament
46. Karma
47. The spin
48. Talent
49. Certificate
50. Now
51. Friday
52. Father
53. Mother
54. Brother
55. Mind
56. Symbol
57. Thought
58. Success
59. Last
60. Accomplishment
61. Organise
62. Skill
63. Sweets
64. Lenses
65. Smartphone / tablet
66. My bed
67. Glasses
68. Anger
69. Comfort
70. Expectations
71. Talk
72. Speech
73. Heart
74. Health
75. Mystery
76. Confinement
77. Tired
78. Work
79. University
80. Talent
81. Movies
82. Shoes
83. Exercise
84. Culture
85. Friends
86. Family
87. Copy and paste
88. Critical thinking
89. Arguments
90. Snacks
91. Due dates
92. Markings
93. Dancing
94. Singing
95. Happiness
96. Faith
97. God
98. Confidence
99. Commitment

Monday, May 13, 2013

Our generation, the next generation.


Politics.

It can change a country.
No matter what happens, it is the governments' job to do what’s right and lead the country to its full purpose.

I see lies, I see problems, and I see issues. It's hard to deal with things when it goes severe.

It was a week ago when my country Malaysia, experience something big. Something that is so vast that social media is full of it. I became so into the politics of my country not because I want to or that I need to. I just thought this was the perfect way for me to get rid of my feelings, my emotions towards that love interest I lost. I felt this was the perfect time for me to get involve with politics, get insights on what was happening in the country and what are the politicians fighting for, what are they saying and what changes can we see in the country in the few years to come.

All I can say is that this general elections was somewhat messed up. Complicated, that's the word. I see racism; corruption and issues that shouldn't have existed exist.

Let me sum it all up,

What we Malaysian wants is change. Change to the country after a long serviced government, BN (Barisan National) that lasted for 55 years. We want to move our country to a higher status, a higher purpose. So most Malaysian would have supported the opposition. We see social media flooded with information about this. Not just that, people would take it to extreme by posting really disturbing articles or pictures about things depicting other races or the government, which I find it really immature. Social media has pushed its limits by sharing tons of rumours. People's biased, immature, racist and judgmental comments and opinions are all shared in the net creating a majority of biased people who are so naive. My perspectives over the mindset of the people of Malaysia are just really 'old-fashioned' and 'immature'. Why would I say this?

Well, it's simple. We hold our pride way too high and being too proud over things. We are too naive. We talk too much but we never make it into actions. I can say this because I'm one of them too. I join in the crowd. Everybody is a follower in Malaysia, not one true leader that can actually save us and make our country to a more developed place.

I love this country. I really do, we all do. I guess our love is the mixed culture we are in, the home we are in, the languages that we speak, the atmosphere, the environment, and the food. There are so many things we love about Malaysia. But when it comes to politics or some issues separating the races like religion, everything gets nasty. I was really pissed when the newspapers posted a really racist comment.

The perspective we have on our people changes very often. I think the issue in the different race of Malaysians is that we still keep the distances between Malay Malaysians, Chinese Malaysians and Indian Malaysians as well as other races. We always keep a barrier between these so-called races of a Malaysian. Its because we have different mindsets altogether and the different religions we have which can separate the people and this made this country to become a really biased country with all these really different perspective. We don't really have an equal distribution towards all races in terms of money and opportunities but when we are to come together as one country, we are so united that none can break. Its like if we are fighting for our country towards others or some other matters that’s beside religion, culture and politics. We are united in sports and also the representatives of our country in other countries.

It's really complicated with the issues in our country and I don't think I can cover everything in one post. But with regards to the general elections, opposition should have won to make a change in our country. To just see what would the opposition would bring to the table to take our nation to the next step, to move forward. BN has reigned for far too long and corruption has been on forever. I would like to see our nation being able to compete with Singapore and become a nation like that but I don't want to be racist here but I want a true Malaysian leader to bring us up. Not Najib, neither can I see Anwar but for a change, I would love to see a Malaysian Chinese or Malaysian Indian to be a part of it. Someone else.

It would take a long time to reach that stage. But with racism and corruption in the country, it's hard to see changes like that now but only to see the younger generation to rise above this and make a change. This would take a long process but I guess it’s worth the wait. I can't wait 5 years from now and see what will happen to the poll and to our country.

I wouldn't comment about the rumoured blackouts, Bangladeshi workers or the extra packages of votes. I still think that its created by media and distributed by the media. I still blame majority of the issues towards social media as it was taken too serious by people and made silly judgement over things, which might or might not be true. All I can say is that we have to accept the result and move on. No more complains or judgment over people and government. I think it will only bring down the country with this kind of attitude. We cannot see what’s behind the politics of our country. We have to accept and move forward to not just based on one day to be patriotic and want change in our nation. 


I do believe its the everyday decisions and everyday work to make our country a better place. Change the perspective and change the mindset of the people. The people should not be judgemental and racist. I feel that we need a different Malaysia where we can explore democracy and be the voices of our country and learn how to make our country better by voicing out of our opinions and not being judged of our opinions based on racism and tyranny of the majority. We must be able to accept our flaws and learn how to solve it and not faking the problems and issues we actually have in the country. We are ignoring too many things.

If BN were to rule another 5 years, so be it. Even how it was ruled, we as the people have to voice out and not to be ashamed to do it in the name of the country. We should not result in violence and do it in a more mature way. We need to learn how not to be naive and learn how to accept. I think the government is bullying us as though they hold the whole power over the people. I feel as a democratic country, the people is the voice, the people is the power and we shouldn’t be afraid and we need to fight for it.

There's a reason why people still vote for BN. They maybe a better team than the opposition or maybe you can say we did not understand why people still vote for BN. It's a matter of each person's opinion. I believe that reason has to be resolved. Why is BN doing that still gets people vote? What can opposition provide to drive our country? I think the politics in our country have to be more transparent so that we know what is actually going on in our country. We need to know the problems that exist in our country.

I want graduates to be in Malaysia and not just turned to overseas and neglecting our country. I want debates and discussions on our country. I want locals to work in Malaysia and not expand international workers to help our economy. I want our country to be developed in terms of transport, tourism and sports. I want the economy to be smart and to invest on things that matters, not charity to give away excessive money to people that do not need it but invest on things that can lead our country to higher grounds. I want this corruption to end, not run by people in the same government but a joined group of other parties. I want the end of racism by talks and discussion on issues in our country. Learning how to solve it by making our issues transparent!

I love Malaysia. I love my home but without the change, I would not find a reason to be back. I want a reason for me to stay in my country. Not a demoralizing idea of corruption and racism but peace and a developing country. I just hope that no matter what happens, I want change and it will only come if Malaysians choose to change and be committed and determined to do so everyday. We are so far back, we need to start to move forward and I'm counting on the current and next generation to do it. The next generation would be the future. Change is what our generation would bring if we choose to accept it.